Monday, April 9, 2012
How Little We Know
When I embarked on my trip twelve days ago I had no idea what I would be doing, whom I would meet or the feelings that would arise. In all honesty, I still have no idea the full impact of this journey; however I do know that for almost eleven days, I disconnected from my world at home and reconnected with family and with myself. I dived deep into my pain, so deep at times, that my heart was begging to be released from my chest; I wrote in a manner I hadn't written in since high-school, just allowing my thoughts to go onto a piece of paper with no worry about what it would say. I cried, I laughed and was humbled by the poverty stricken people of Nicaragua, whom have nothing but hope, belief and love to pull them through each day.
For almost three months, I had been a person who was so consumed in my own head that looking out into the world seemed almost impossible. My loss too big, my pain too strong. Then I drove through neighborhoods with homes that used garbage bags as insulation; handed toys to young children whom had never received anything new; spoke to a mom of two who can't work because of liver problems, and is having a hard time putting food on the table; spoke to her four year old little girl who thinks she will never get her nails painted because they can't afford it; met a 12 year old boy who bikes 2 hours every day to work in the hopes of making five dollars and had people come to our table after we were done eating and ask if they could take the food. I quickly realized how small my problems are and how blessed I truly am.
Nicaragua was placed in my life for a reason. Whether it was for the adventure of exploring a country, or opening my heart and mind to something much greater is yet to be seen. What I do know is when I left for the trip I could barely make it through the airport without tears forming in my eyes; when I returned home, my heart was full of gratitude and love. I knew I had to get out of town, my body was being crushed; I just had no idea I would come back with something so great and freeing.
For the next eleven blog entries, I am going to take you on my daily emotional journey in Nicaragua. I will decipher the writings in my notebook and give you the music, the people, the places and the raw emotions as I shed one skin to grow another.